Douchebags are men who believe that sex is the purpose of their lives. Generally speaking, they view women as vaginas with legs, and treats the male-female relationship as being adversarial in nature. They are indicated by their affinity for tank tops, Axe Body Spray, shades (even indoors or when it's dark outside), necklaces often accompanied by gold bling, and solicitations of strange women for casual sex.

A douchebag is often referred to in shorthand as a "douche".

Modus OperandiEdit

A douchebag's intention is casual sex. To which end, they will casually work themselves into a social setting (parties, bars, etc.). After a reasonable amount of time scoping out targets, a douche will select a female, and proceed with courtship. Douchebags will employ a number of techniques shared amongst themselves that are designed to subtly bring down a woman's self-esteem to a point in which the woman feels as though she requires his approval, at which point she will be vulnerable to the suggestion of earning it through sexual favors. It's an approach that often works, if she is not prepared for it.

After the course of a single night, a douchebag will decide that he is already satisfied with the outcome of his short-lived relationship, and will put to use one of numerous methods designed to rid himself of her. After having done this, the douchebag has an entire afternoon to rest up before the next evening, at which point, he seeks out another target.

It's not necessarily true that a douchebag can't make a woman happy. However, the douchebag will put about as much effort into a relationship as someone with a few dirty magazines and a jar of Vaseline.


Like many men that don't amount to much, douchebags attain funding from trust funds, tuition loans, relatively rich parental figures, and government assistance intended for the needy. These funds usually dry out in their mid-twenties as they (hopefully) realize that they'll eventually have to find their own source of income, which is usually a combination of stocking shelves at WalMart and welfare.

Because they have little ambition outside of having sex, they seldom possess an education or technical skillset. Thus, they'll never have the kind of income as the nerds they picked on in high-school, an institution from which they have likely not graduated.

Tools of the TradeEdit

Colt 45


  • Tank tops
  • Shades
  • Gold bling
  • Body fragrance in an aerosol container
  • Tattoos
  • Designer clothing
  • Cheap car with stripes, fins, and gold rims
  • Cheap alcohol, typically nasty stuff like Colt 45

Typical dislikesEdit

Several entities are considered by douchebags to be their own personal bane. Such includes:

  • Pepper spray
  • Restraining orders
  • Studying
  • Men with skills, nice cars, and homes with more than one bedroom are viewed as competition to them.
  • Women with confidence.

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