"The jock is the epitome of wastefulness - An unknown Roman soldier before the fall of Rome." -Anonymous
Jock is a slang term for a student interested in athletics. Their hopes for the future typically rest on being one of the half-dozen or so who find careers as professional athletes each year. Alternatively, they may cling to athleticism as a crutch as they view mathematics and the sciences as too challenging, and rarely go beyond a cursory effort in such subjects, failing to recognize the positive correlation between academic performance and career success. Jock activities outside of sports often includes picking on nerds who outperform them, and showering together. They usually end up working difficult jobs that pay poorly because they left school with no skills outside of athleticism.

Early LifeEdit

Science has yet to find a gene that is responsible for a person turning to Jockism. It is likely that Jockism is a product of influence at an early age. Said influence can come as a result of media portrayal of well-known athletes, and parental encouragement. A child in risk of turning to Jockism shows an interest in sports such as Baseball, Football, and Soccer in their preschool years.

School YearsEdit

A jock begins to project his societal role shortly after having enrolled in an educational institution. As is the tendency of the human mind, jocks follow the path of least resistance. Upon finding themselves academically challenged, they tend to default to athletics, where they show strength. Because of this, they have difficulty focusing on academic pursuits such as Reading, Math, Arts, and the Sciences, deeming such pursuits "too hard", and remaining largely ignorant of the positive correlation between understanding these topics, and one's own long-term success in the adult world.

Because schools are awarded grants depending on the success of their athletic teams, schools tend not to discourage a student's athletic pursuits. In time, jocks tend to become resentful of their less academically-challenged peers, and label such well-performing students as "nerds", as they seek to further validate their superiority through athletics.

College YearsEdit

College institutions tend to see fewer jocks, as their acceptance into such an institution is usually dependent on an athletic scholarship. Thereafter, many jocks begin to realize their relative value to society, and afterwards succumb to the pressure of declaring a major. However, no sport is really a major, nor is the ability to play one a skill any employer is realistically pursuing. Many jocks tend to shift majors, as they often panic and pick one they are not well-suited to. Many of them, believing their school years to be the best time of their lives, opt to become grad students, putting off their graduation as long as possible to avoid the inevitable failure that comes with coasting through their formative years on minimal effort.

Adult LifeEdit

After their school years, a jock faces immediate difficulties. They spent their educational years hoping that they'll land a career as a professional athlete, a career that very few ever attain. Because of this, most student athletes go on to attain difficult jobs that pay very little, because they tend to be the jobs that require fewer skills. It is not unusual to find a jock working as a cashier at the local supermarket.

Being competitive-minded, jocks desire advancement to management level, but being poorly suited to that kind of position, they rarely ever attain that status. Many of them realize their mistake of falling into student athleticism, and desire to turn their lives around. However, most of them lack the real ambition to do what it takes to do so.

Jock swagEdit

It helps to be able to identify a jock. Thankfully, they make it easy for us. The following is a list of typical jock equipment.

  • Jersey
  • Hundred-dollar sneakers
  • Graduating class ring
  • Vintage school jacket
  • Retail/food service job
  • Various sports equipment
  • Cheap hair gel


  • The spelling and grammatical errors on this page may have been from jocks attempting to edit it.
  • Jocks think calculators have too many buttons.
  • The average jock uses a thesaurus twice each time they update their Xanga or LiveJournal.
  • A jock checks the recipe an average of three times while boiling water.
  • Jocks did not code this or any web page.
  • Jocks think Gatorade is a complex formula (it's basically Kool-Aid with added salt).


Objectively speaking, playing sports and knowing how to play them accomplishes nothing. True manliness is about focusing on getting things done, and in light of this, most sports are as productive as video games. Persons who have an unhealthy fascination with sports often fall into the trap of becoming a jock.

"There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering. All the rest are merely games." -Ernest Hemingway

See AlsoEdit

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.