This is a pirate. Say "hi".

A pirate is a man who has a (sometimes unhealthy) desire to increase his own personal belongings, through numerous means of aquisition. In popular culture, they are often portrayed as rogue sailors who are after treasure. In this corporate age, pirates often dwell in office buildings, where their aquisitions are of a similarly financial nature.


Pirates are, by nature, materialistic. Because of this, they are driven to increase their "booty", which is their own stash of personal treasures. If a pirate were to lose a portion or all of their booty, they would not be discouraged. Because of this, it could be true that pirates enjoy the act of raiding more than the possession of treasure.

A pirate's philosophy is often "easy come, easy go", thus they seldom take care of their own dwellings. Because of this, pirate ships (or at least their cubicles and automobiles) often fall into disrepair.

The business of being a pirate is cut-throat. Thus, any non-pirates that a pirate associates with are often considered to be of only as much value to the pirate as whatever use they can get out of that person. Even pirates are expected to watch their backs around their own kind. Having said that, pirates are not always solitary. They often travel in crews. If a crew descends on an office, a raid is almost certain to take place.


A priates diet primarily consists of grog and rum. In office settings, pirates have been observed snatching entire boxes of donuts for themselves. On occasion, a pirate will drink orange juice, but only just enough to ward off scurvy.

Relationship with ninjasEdit

Pirates represent half of the persistent dichotomy, "pirates or ninjas?". While pirates and ninjas are considered by many to be rivals, they can often cooperate with deadly results, when their aims are mutually beneficial. Because of the ninja's mercenary nature, it is possible that many cases of pirate/ninja team-ups are a result of a pirate purchasing a ninja's effectiveness.

Tools of the TradeEdit

The tools of the trade, as described by a pirate:

  • Cutlass - Fer ta cut stuff.
  • Musket - Fer ta shoot stuff.
  • Rum - Fer ta drink when singin' 'bout bein' a pirate.
  • Parrot - Kin be annoyin' at times, but still fun ta have 'round.
  • Eye patch - Of'in not needed, but kin be intimidatin'.
  • Huge beard - Optional, of'in not a choice. 'Tis not easy ta shave when the boat be always rockin'.

What to do when pirates move into the neighborhoodEdit

Find another neighborhood. Quick.

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