Learn the rules, then you'll be ready.

There come desparate times when men have to grit their teeth, plug their noses if need be, and go someplace they'd rather not go to do something that they'd rather put off doing. However, emergencies happen, and it's hard to divert doing something a man has to do. This unfortunate necessity may come with sights, smells, and sounds one would prefer not to experience, but time and place may leave a person with little recourse. Of course, I'm speaking of using public restrooms.

Public restrooms are facilities designed for convenient urinary or bowel relief. They are typically viewed as a last resort, as they are seldom cleaner than the one at home. A number of men have a policy of avoiding them.

Governing RulesEdit

To use a Public restroom is often an unfortunate necessity, but when you have to, there are rules governing it's use.

Here is a list of rules in no particular order:

  1. You should lock the door. The next person who attempts to open the door could see your junk. Is this what you want? In any case, it may not be what the person opening the door wants, and you should take a simple step to prevent pushing another man into this awkward situation: Just lock the door. Some find this difficult, but I have no idea why it would be.
  2. Knock on the restroom door, if it is shut. This wouldn't even need to be a rule if it weren't for those who couldn't follow the first rule on this list. But even if the door is locked, and you pull on it anyway with the confidence that it's going to open, you should vacate the area immediately. The reason being, this makes you the person who doesn't have the courtesy to do something as simple as knock on the door, and you should not want to be identified by that person as such should they immediately emerge. Seriously, you can't risk being known as the man who can't knock on the door. This principle, and the previous one, can be collectively summarized as, "Knock and lock."
  3. Absolutely no peeking. No matter how curious you are, you don't do it. Taking a quick peek at another man's junk while he's taking a leak is universal grounds for butt-kicking. This rule can be remembered with the simple line: "Don't take a peek while taking a leak."
  4. Talk only in emergencies. There's something disturbing about one man talking to another while they are both holding their reproductive organs. Such a thing would not be permitted in any other situation, and the public restroom is no different. There are exceptions in case of emergencies, but otherwise, men should stay silent in public restrooms. This can also be remembered with a short bit of rhyming prose: "Hold your peace while you hold your piece."
  5. Wash your hands. If you meet any man who insists that washing his hands makes him less manly, consider swift correction.
  6. Pee standing up. There are exceptions, such as if you must simultaneously drop a deuce, or if you're a cripple, or are tired. Otherwise, if you only have to do a number one, use the urinal or stand. There is more on this under the heading, When to stand and when to sit, below.
  7. Lift the seat before whizzing into the toilet. Your aim is not nearly as good as you think it is. If you don't want to touch the seat, you can lift it into position with your shoe. No one wants to drop a deuce only to discover that they have to wipe up someone else's mess, first. If someone pees all over the seat and doesn't clean up after themselves, it's grounds to break the toilet over them. "Be like daddy, not like sis, lift the seat before you pee."


It is listed in the rules above to wash one's hands, however, one can argue for further measures. For example, it's preferable to come into contact with few surfaces in public restrooms. There are exceptions, one can hardly be expected to avoid sitting on a toilet seat if they need to go, and washing one's hands can mean coming into contact with a handle on a sink.

If one prefers to avoid coming into contact with the door on the way out, some doors can be pushed open with one's foot. Notice how some doors have a metal plate near the bottom?

If you're feeling a little paranoid about the handle on the toilet, one can probably flush them by pushing the handle with their foot.

Occasionally, one can find money on the floor. In such a case, a person can use a shirt sleeve to pick it up.

Urinal distance principleEdit

There is a measure that can be taken to prevent accidental junk observation by maintaining distance between urinal users. It's a simple formula:

  • If each urinal is vacant, take the one furthest from the door (the first one).
  • If the first urinal is occupied, take the urinal two down from the occupied one (the third one).
  • If the third urinal is taken, take the urinal two down from that one (the fifth one).
  • Continue this pattern until every second urinal (starting with the first, going toward the door) is occupied.
  • If each of the odd-numbered urinals are occupied, wait for one to become available. If it is an emergency, it is permissible to take one of the even-numbered urinals.

Going by this principle, the even-numbered urinals are mostly decorative. It is permissible to take the furthest urinal from the first if the first one is occupied. In this case, the next user would take one of the middle urinals, if a distance of at least one empty urinal is maintained between other users. However, this approach would not be as formulaic as maintaining the pattern (it is generally considered manly to maintain order).

In the event that someone occupies a urinal different from the one furthest from the door, one can maintain the distance principle by taking the urinal furthest from that person, provided that the urinal is at least two down from the occupied one.

When to stand and when to sitEdit

It's generally expected of men to stand when taking a leak, but there may be a question of whether standing or sitting is preferred depending on a man's objective, or whether the facility employed should be the urinal or stall. The following guidelines can help:

  • When only going number one: Use the urinal, as long as there is an open urinal while maintaining the urinal distance principle (outlined above). If the principle would be compromised, check for an available stall. If one is available, it may be used, and it is preferable to stand while using it (with the seat up). If the urinal distance principle would be compromised, and each of the stalls are taken, and there would be difficulty in waiting, it would be considered an emergency according to the urinal distance principle, and it would be permissible to use any of the unoccupied urinals.
  • Number one and number two: If a man has to do both, the stall would be used. In this circumstance, it would be permissible to do a number one while sitting. However, consider aiming for the side of the bowl in so doing. Otherwise, someone observing may get the impression that you went in to do a number one by itself, and that you sat down to do it.
  • Number two only: The urinal is not designed for a number two, which would make the stall the default option for doing so, and a man would sit to do it.

There are situations when it may be permissible to sit while taking a number one, such as when a man is for some reason unable to stand, if he's tired, if his aim is less than ideal, or if he's prone to spraying.

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.